I had another job I had to do at the ski tournament. My husband had many jobs but had a break in the action. He agreed to pick up the toys I had brought to occupy the younger children while they waited for their turn. I thought my instructions were clear: “Please pick up all the toys.” As I walked to the car, he said, “Is this one of them?” With a huff, I replied, “ALL the toys.” A similar situation occurred yesterday. He is a very helpful guy. He agreed to return a few items to Walmart for me since he was headed there. I gave him the items in a bag, handed him the receipt, said thanks and began to leave for my errand. He said, “How many items are there?” Tired and burned out from weeks of going and going with little rest, I replied, “I don’t know! I am so tired.” He quickly scurried away.
My husband is a very detailed, conscientious person, a former naval aviator where details protect lives. One of our close friends died in a crash because someone hedged on important training details. I am very grateful that he pays detailed attention to things like making sure that no one uses our credit cards by checking every purchase. I was attracted to his sincere follow through, dedication to his job and wise use of money while we were dating. I think carefully (usually) about the purchase and then make it and let him pay the bills. I am a global thinker and a visionary. I access needs, develop interventions and implement them. The details I focus on are words and human interactions. I know my lack of interest in locating every receipt has driven him crazy for twenty-eight years. His need to know every little detail drives me crazy. Such is the nature of marriage.
I could have been more patient and understanding of his nature in these interactions. Sometimes I am. Sometimes I am not. That is part of being human and dealing with other humans. But I have a choice to make: do I camp out on these and other differences that frustrate me or do I focus on gratitude for the positive aspects of these personality characteristics? I am praying for patience and a grateful heart since complaining and being snarky are more my nature. I am a work in progress and am thankful that my husband has put up with me all these years.
REALationships 